March 23, 2008

Dear Jamie,

You have been on my mind so much, son.

Tomorrow will be 5 years and 11 months since you died. The time you have been gone now begins to eclipse the time you were here with us. Eclipse isn’t really the right word, and I struggle to find the right words to describe what this means. No time can take away our connection. But the time, 5 years and 11 months here, 5 years and 11 months away, has been haunting me some.

Today is Easter. How I wish you could rise up again, almost 12 years old…join us and start again from where we left off. I never really understand why I wish for things that I know won’t be. It seems a waste. And yet, I continue to wish.

Life has changed so much since you left us. It rolls along. There is the great sadness underneath all of the joys and struggles that life has always contained. The joys are truly happy joys. They aren’t destroyed by your absence. And yet, your absence is felt. Nothing cancels out anything else, but I have learned to appreciate life and I would like to stay here and I do likewise hope to always feel your presence and be with you again someday when the time is the time.

You still affect me deeply and fill my heart. I love you forever, my sweet son.

Love always,
Dad