The following story is printed in Loving Memory of Lynne McNeeley, Jamie's grandma. Ma, you are so loved and so missed.  It is my great wish that you and Jamie are playing together and getting to know each other.  

The Healing Circle, July 19, 2003

by Jamie's Aunie (Grandma)

A couple weeks after I was diagnosed with cancer, Karen told me that Elizabeth & Kathryn wanted to have a hands on healing circle for me. She asked if this would be all right with me and I told her that I would be honored and was open to anything that would help me regain my health. I am a deep believer in prayer and of course "hands on" since I have been doing Healing Touch for some years now. I was still in so much pain that I did express concern over being able to be comfortable enough to receive such grace.

The Circle was planned for the 19th of July. Jan took me to Bob’s for treatment on the 18th and we went from Bob’s to Karen’s house to spend the night. The Circle was to be held at her home which she has aptly named the Temple in the Sky.. We had a wonderful evening. Karen cooked dinner and we sat on her deck, in my case laid on the deck and watched the sunset. Jan soaked, massaged and applied lotion to Karen’s and than my feet. It was glorious. I showered outside, which is one of my favorite things to do and went to bed.

The next morning Jan and Karen took a walk while I said my prayers and tried to figure out how one prepared for the event that was going to be held in my honor in just a matter of hours. I had been wondering that for some time and simply didn’t know. I prayed that I could remain, or become open enough to receive the blessings that were offered. I got showered again and dressed. Bob & Cindy Koerber and Jim and Janet Koerber were coming early to have prayer with me since they could not attend the Circle.
The Koerbers arrived shortly after Jan and Karen got back. Karen had picked a huge bouquet of Queen Ann’s Lace. It was beautiful. She put it in a vase on the wood stove that was prepared as an alter for things people cared to bring for the occasion.. We visited for a few minutes with the Koerbers than sat together and joined hands. Jim stood behind me and rubbed my shoulders, joking that he had an opportunity to pay me back for all the massages I had given him at Karen’s office. He offered up the first of many prayers that special morning. Everyone added something and we closed knowing that our prayers were all ready answered. I felt more ready to meet the rest of the morning’s happenings.

People began arriving just before 11AM. We all visited and introduced each other and some began to set the surroundings for our Circle. Twenty people were present plus myself.. Kathryn called us to the Circle. I was so happy that I was able to stand in the circle of friends without any pain or difficulty. This was the first time I had been on my feet for more than 5-7 minutes without pain that drove me to my bed. We joined hands and Jan Cope called to the Four Directions. Kathryn asked those in the group if they had anything to say. Many kind and wonderful things were said to me and I felt so blessed and so honored. Karen talked about the excitement and fear that arises out of the belief that in fact, I could go home that very day cured of cancer and that every one in the circle believed that but what impact does that have on ones life to be part of such a healing? How does one carry that, act upon that? What is the result of such a miracle in ones own life? The miracle of the healing and the healed. 

Earlier in the morning Kathryn had called to ask if there was anything that I wanted her to address in the circle. I told her I was having some concerns about a growing feeling of responsibility that "I must get well" or I would let people down. I also felt this could be a concern of those coming, that they had failed should I die.

Kathryn addressed that issue at this point in the ceremony in a most beautiful way. She described how she went to her porch after our conversation and looked out at the view. Usually there is a lovely view of a mountain ridge but today the fog hung low over the mountains obscuring them from view. She likened this to healing saying that although we can not see the mountains we know they are there just as we know that the healing in all of us has already taken place. The way she told this story was so beautiful and felt so true, so real that the idea of personal responsibility became meaningless. 

Chip then played his Tibetan metal song bowl. Then Richard taught us a rousing chant to raise the energy. Natalie blew healing bubbles from a special container and we all laughed and played with the bubbles for awhile. Kathryn then asked that be still and asked that we call out the names of those who had wanted to attend but could not. She added that we invite those who have already left and are on the other side. She specifically named Jamie and any other loved ones of mine. She requested that once we started the hands on that no one speak, and then asked me to lie down on the table in the center of the circle.
As I lay there people gathered around finding a spot that felt right for them. It was quite crowded around the table and it took a few moments for everyone to settle into a spot. I asked that someone put there hand on my solar plexus. Karen was to my left and had put her hand under me on the wound from the biopsy, which had continued to drain for several weeks now. I knew that Ann Maney, a friend and cancer survivor was to my right but I didn’t know where she had placed her hands. Ann is a very powerful healer and has helped me on this road of mine. I don’t know where others were and it really didn’t matter to me. I felt a little nervous but began to relax and after a few minutes there was a moment when I could feel the entire group settle down and become one.  From that point on I felt in an altered state- relaxed but very intense. The tenseness in me began to grow and I felt my muscle twitching and my breathing become rapid. I could just feel this energy inside me. It kept growing in intensity and I knew it needed to come out. I called to Karen and Richard telling them I needed some needles to let this energy out to let it flow, to let it escape. Richard got some needles and asked where I needed them. I told him I didn’t know but then I knew I needed them in my feet. He put them in and also in my heart center. I could feel the energy building and building. Karen whispered, "let go, let go" and I think I let out a huge moan and I could feel the energy leaving. Someone was cradling my head, someone was blowing at my crown, someone else was crying. I could feel the work that was being done on my behalf yet I was still so intensely involved in what was happening inside me. Then I relaxed some and said, "I wonder if Lazarus was tired after he rose from the dead?". There were giggles in the circle.

At that point I saw Jamie. It was just his little face smiling at me. I thought he was there because Kathryn had mentioned him so I called for my grandmother in a test to see if I was just imagining Jamie’s presence. She did not appear and his little face ringed with curls just kept smiling at me. I said out loud, "Jamie is here". I then started crying from the deepest part of me. I sobbed like I have never sobbed in the presence of others. Finally I settled down and I could see Jamie had moved and was now sitting on a rock and he was speaking to me. I couldn’t hear him but I knew he was speaking to me. His lips were not moving. And then I heard, not Jamie’s voice, or even in an auditory way, "daddy’s here". He said that several times. I repeated that out load and said, "I don’t know what that means". Then he was gone.

Things settled into a quietness for a few minutes and I could feel it was complete. Some people began to move from the table while others stayed but I could feel us separating. At some point during the healing Cassandra played her tuning forks. It was most beautiful.  Karen left the table and told folks there was watermelon and some tea for refreshments. I stayed on the table resting and Richard stayed with me. He told me he had always valued my intuition of knowing when someone needed something and he felt that was true about knowing what I needed for myself. He also told me that the points on my feet where he had placed the needles were points to relieve darkness. He pointed out that in Chinese Medicine darkness was more a stagnation of emotion or energy and if the points bled in was a good releasing. Mine had bled a very dark drop of blood. I felt complete and sat up. 

I have sent you the whole of my experience you may take out what you want. Love you guys. Ma