Dear Mychael,
I've just read all the writings about Jamie on your website. Thank
you for sharing your love and your loss. When Denise broke the sad news
to me, I felt disbelief and shock and could only imagine your loss. After
reading these powerful poems and letters, I can now understand what you've
lost. The ache in my own heart and the tears welling in my own eyes
allow me a little insight to the enormity of your loss.
How has Jamie touched my life? Why was I, a stranger, included in his
circle of light? Jamie, like a smooth pebble dropped into a calm lake,
created rippling circles of ever expanding connection. You and Elene
were at the vortex, most deeply impacted, while I, even at the most outer
ring, still strongly influenced. Jamie has also touched my life in a
subtle, yet most significant way.
When I met Jamie at Tayo's baptismal luncheon, I was taking pictures of Adan
holding Tayo with the San Diego skyline as the backdrop, the bright sun
causing both of them to squint. Jamie was playing nearby, exploring the
nooks and crannies of the rocks, shirtless in his black dress pants, the wind
and sun making his mop of curls come alive. I invited him to pose with
Adan and Tayo, a lively addition to Tayo's baptismal documentary. I
immediately noticed how easy and carefree Jamie was, a natural free spirit, so
comfortable in his surroundings. There was no self-consciousness or
feelings of importance, just grace of movement. What caught my attention
was his inner spark. Having become more discerning of people's facial
expressions and personalities, seeing every nuance through the camera's
viewfinder, I was struck by his honesty...in his eyes, in his movements, in
his conversation, in his simple enjoyment of exploring his world in the most
hands-on way. In my mind was an unspoken "wow."
Being a photographer, I felt the need to make that special portrait. I
wanted to show Jamie's effortless charm. What a good sport he was too.
He enjoyed being in front of the camera...it was no big deal...he was
just being himself. I put him next to some yellow daisies and he did the
rest. I could have taken another dozen shots! It's not often that
I get photogenic models who shine from within...it was a breeze. All I
had to do was ask for a smile and press the shutter. Jamie was a rare
photographic moment for me...a WOW.
So now, how has Jamie touched my life? By letting me know that Love with
such depth really does exist. The love you have for Jamie is real.
You've experienced it to the fullest and you're still experiencing the
fullness of it, although this time, in the most painful way. I've yet to
experience it. My own daughter is 25 years old now, my own miracle baby
who came into this world at one pound, eight ounces...two months at the ICU,
only four pounds, five ounces when brought home on Thanksgiving 1976. Yet,
I've missed out on this deep loving, out of ignorance and lack of capacity.
I don't know how such love feels...I could only imagine. I wish for it
still...
Jamie had a lesson for me, a clue to unravel and piece together. Love
and God lived in Jamie's heart. Life can be long or short, but without
Love and God, life is just mere existence. How can I follow Jamie's
example? How can I open up my own heart to more Love? Jamie at the
age of five lived Love and God; and I, at 46, is still struggling.
Jamie was a special gift, a human angel with limited physical time, who so
exuded Spirit that even strangers like me were blessed by his presence. Thank
you, Jamie.
Sincerely,
Merlin
